Your Feelings Aren't Valid

What No One Tells You About “Validation”

Your feelings aren’t valid.

Yes, I said it.

If you look up “valid” in the dictionary, it means “having a sound basis in logic or fact.”

But feelings aren’t facts—they’re states. And states change. Truth doesn't.

One minute we’re high on connection, the next we’re spiraling. Our feelings are real—but that doesn’t mean they’re always right.

Feelings deserve compassion, not blind allegiance. They’re data. Just because a feeling is real doesn’t mean it’s reliable. Sometimes it’s pointing to a truth. Sometimes it’s pointing to a trauma.

But here’s where it gets messy: when we expect our significant other to validate every emotion we have, we’re essentially asking them to jump on our emotional rollercoaster that’s not regulated.

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Welcome to Triggered But Curious—where big feelings meet bigger truths. We unpack the messy stuff: love, family, identity, faith, and culture—one trigger at a time. For anyone craving love that’s real, rooted, and grown—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Fair warning: you will get triggered. But if you stay curious? You just might level up ❤️‍🔥

Yang Yang and Dilraba Dilmurat for Vogue

Just because a feeling feels right in the moment doesn’t make it true or wise. Think of those times we rushed into something—a connection, intimacy—because it felt so strong. But later, we realize they were only in it for something casual. We were hoping for a relationship, but ended up in a situationship. Cue heartbreak.

If our feelings were that “valid,” that connection would’ve turned into commitment—and delivered the happily-ever-after we were hoping for. Instead, it burned fast, fizzled out, and left us holding the ashes.

But we felt it. It felt real. It felt right.

Except it wasn’t.

And yet we keep doing this dance, blaming the other person instead of checking the narrative.

And that’s the real danger.

When we start treating our feelings as “truth”—as the ultimate compass—we stop checking reality.

And that’s how we end up lost.

In misery. Delusion. Destruction. Emotional instability. Emotional immaturity.

We’ve conformed to this hyper-individualistic culture of validating feelings that tells us: “Follow your heart. Trust your feelings.”

Because if it feels right, it must be right. And if it leads to happiness, it must be truth… right?

So we double down. We treat feelings like facts and expect the world to adjust accordingly.

And when we don't get the validation? We rage-quit. We ghost. We cut people off with a side of: “I’m right, you’re wrong. I know everything, and you clearly know nothing.”

That’s not empowerment. That's self-sabotage disguised as self-expression. And it’s costing us our relationships.

Feelings can be beautiful—but when they go unchecked and we treat them like Gospel, they don’t just move us—they hijack us. One minute we’re floating. The next, we’re drowning. In spirals. In rabbit holes of overthinking. In emotional chaos that feels real—but isn’t always true.

And if we keep chanting “your feelings are valid, follow your heart” without learning how to check ourselves? we’re just walking straight into instability.

Because underneath all of it is ego demanding: “I need to be right. I feel like I’m right. And I’m not bending for anyone.”

And when feeling right becomes more important than doing what’s right—relationships don’t just fall apart. They implode.

Respect erodes.

Listening stops.

Love turns into a power struggle.

Because it’s no longer about connection—it’s about control.

And it doesn’t stop at relationships.

This is how families break.

How communities divide.

How wars start.

How riots erupt.

All because people would rather be right than do right.

It starts in the heart. And as the Scripture says in Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked—who can understand it?”. Translation? 👉 Our hearts are prone to self-deception, manipulation, and emotional distortion.

Whether or not you come from a faith background, the truth still hits: Our hearts can lie to us. We justify. We manipulate. We rewrite the story to protect our ego.

So when we let ego sit on the throne of our relationships—we’re not walking in love. We’re walking in self-worship.

Love isn’t proven by how right you are. It’s proven by how well you love—especially when you don’t get your way.

How to feel your feelings—without letting them run the show.

• Practice discernment. Don’t just feel—pause. Check the facts. Check the story you're telling yourself. Not every intense emotion is a divine sign—sometimes it’s just your nervous system glitching out. And if you can’t see clearly… 👇

• Get wise counsel. Call that wise friend who tells you the hard truth, not just what you want to hear. Talk to a coach. A therapist. A mentor. A pastor. And if more than one person is waving the same red flag? That’s not a coincidence—it’s your cue to stop defending and start reflecting.

• Practice de-escalation. When emotions run hot, cool yourself off. Don’t blow up. Don’t ghost. Don’t punish with silence. Say: “I need some space, but I want to work on this.” That’s emotional regulation. That’s adulting.

• And when you're in conflict? Don’t just fight to be heard—fight to understand. Because in relationships, your truth isn’t the only “truth”. There are two nervous systems in the room. And if you're not tending to both, you’re not resolving—you’re just performing a power play. And nobody wants to partner with someone who always needs to win.

• Know thyself. Know your triggers, your fears, your beliefs, your patterns. Watch who’s driving the moment things go sideways—is it your grounded, wise adult self… or your panicked inner child with a steering wheel and no license? (No shame. We’ve all handed them the keys.). Feelings aren’t the enemy—but they’re not your authority either. Stop letting them run the show like unqualified interns. Start treating them like messengers that need translation.

• If you’re a person of faith: get in the Word. If you're not in the Word, you're in your feelings. High today, crushed tomorrow. Sin, repent. Love, spiral. Happy, sad. Up, down. Over and over again. That’s not spiritual growth—it’s emotional whiplash.

And if you’re not a person of faith? Get rooted in something deeper than your latest mood.

And one more thing—especially when you’re not feeling validated: Now that you know feelings aren’t always reliable sources of truth, stop demanding people agree with them as if they are. Because here’s what happens: The more you idolize your feelings, the more gaslit you feel when someone disagrees—even when they’re not actually dismissing you.

So here’s your gut-check reminder:

Your feelings may feel true in the moment—but that doesn’t make them the truth.

Instead of:

Asking for validation (emotional outsourcing):

“You never check in on me. If you cared, you’d make an effort. You clearly don’t value this relationship like I do.”
☞ Translation: I need you to prove that I matter—because my feelings say I don’t.

Try:

Fact-checking with ownership (aka emotional maturity):

“When you leave my texts on read, I feel like you don’t care. I know that might not be true—but that’s how I’m feeling, and I wanted to share it.”
☞ Translation: I’m feeling tender, and I’m letting you in—without making you the villain.

So, to recap:
Don’t lead with accusation. Don’t lead with assumption.
Lead with honest communication—rooted in ownership, not control.

That’s emotional maturity.
And yes—it’s the new hot.

🔥 Got a burning question? Send it my way.
If it’s on your mind, chances are it’s on someone else’s too.
Your question might become part of a future post 💌—always anonymous, unless you say otherwise.