"real maturity isn’t what you say, it’s how you handle the moment before you say it."
I like the way you said this. In the heat of the moment, it's so easy for us to react out of emotions. Feeling the need to defend ourselves (and to just give that annoying person a piece of our minds!). It's hard. But like you said, reacting like this can only make the situation worse. We can express our feelings without stooping to their level.
Another well-written piece you shared Cathy!
By the way, were you going for a poetic feel for this piece? There was one area that felt like poem. Don't know if that was what you were going for, but I liked it!
Hi Ashante! I'm really glad you appreciate this post! Thank you so much for your presence, once again! You're so right! This work is danggggg hard! I'm still learning to strengthen my foundation so I don't waver or get affected by what people say! That is the work—How to detach healthily without resentment!
I wasn't really going for poetic for everything but I think some parts have more impact that way. The rest that don't need to be poetic, I just left it as paragraphs. I find that too much poetic everywhere can get the message lost. I need people to get the message. hahaha.
Yes this is VERY hard. Gotta lean on Christ for strength to control our emotions so we don't escalate things.
I thought it was unique how some parts were poetic! You're a poet and I didn't even know it. Haha! But I agree with your strategy. Mixing a little bit of both keeps you engaged, but it doesn't camouflage the message. You get to show off your creativity while delivering a good message. Nice work!
Ohhh interesting you interpreted it like that. But good call out. When I wrote that, I actually meant to hint that sometimes we are projecting our own hurt that was caused in the past or earliest memories that were caused in childhood either by parents/caregivers/childhood environment (could be by a teacher too etc) — that we were unaware of, but stored in our body, that got projected onto the person we are in conflict with today. So for example, someone might have unprocessed trauma that has never got addressed, say their dad left when they were young, and they interpret that as a betrayal. In the present, when that person (already an adult) is having a fight with someone n the mother didn’t step in to defend, that person interprets the mom’s inaction as also a betrayal. When in reality—mom is old and she just doesn’t like to fight in nature and she trusts that her adult kid can just handle it themselves without needing her to step in and protect her like a child (real story in my family!). So the “projecting an old story into the present” is referring to situations like this.
But I also like how you interpret it. What you interpret is called “kitchen sinking” where ppl tend to bring up stuff from the past to win an argument.
Ohhhhhhh. Thanks for clarifying. That makes sense and is very true! I guess my mind automatically went to bringing up the past because I’ve seen people do that A LOT. Never heard it being referred to as “kitchen sinking” before. New one for me.
Are you therapist by any chance? You definitely sound like one.
Not a therapist but a relationship coach on the way 🙌 Currently in process of getting certified.
One I’m currently doing is Christian coaching, but also waiting on a program that my favourite relationship coach Jillian Turecki is releasing soon hopefully. Also currently doing courses from well-known Therapists like Terry Real and Esther Perel. My other mentor also includes Kim Polinder look her up on IG @kp_counseling.
I realized I have a thing for relationships ever since a boy broke my heart when I was 15, and then 20. Hahaha. Been devouring lot of relationship books ever since! Lol
Interesting. Wishing you the best with becoming a coach. You’ve already shown your capabilities and I believe others will appreciate the advice you share!
Btw I just edited the post. Added 2 parts of REFLECTION (1. look inward. 2. Zoom out) after PAUSE. I think these are stronger and more helpful. Please give me your feedback!
Just read it and I believe it works! I think it's great that you're ensuring a coverage of different angles for this topic.
One question that stood out from your revision is "Could I be projecting an old story onto a new situation?" This is one of the common tactics used when people argue. Bringing up the past in order to hurt the other person, showing they're still holding a grudge, and for other reasons. It's doesn't help and causes EVEN MORE friction.
"real maturity isn’t what you say, it’s how you handle the moment before you say it."
I like the way you said this. In the heat of the moment, it's so easy for us to react out of emotions. Feeling the need to defend ourselves (and to just give that annoying person a piece of our minds!). It's hard. But like you said, reacting like this can only make the situation worse. We can express our feelings without stooping to their level.
Another well-written piece you shared Cathy!
By the way, were you going for a poetic feel for this piece? There was one area that felt like poem. Don't know if that was what you were going for, but I liked it!
Hi Ashante! I'm really glad you appreciate this post! Thank you so much for your presence, once again! You're so right! This work is danggggg hard! I'm still learning to strengthen my foundation so I don't waver or get affected by what people say! That is the work—How to detach healthily without resentment!
I wasn't really going for poetic for everything but I think some parts have more impact that way. The rest that don't need to be poetic, I just left it as paragraphs. I find that too much poetic everywhere can get the message lost. I need people to get the message. hahaha.
You're very welcome!
Yes this is VERY hard. Gotta lean on Christ for strength to control our emotions so we don't escalate things.
I thought it was unique how some parts were poetic! You're a poet and I didn't even know it. Haha! But I agree with your strategy. Mixing a little bit of both keeps you engaged, but it doesn't camouflage the message. You get to show off your creativity while delivering a good message. Nice work!
Ohhh interesting you interpreted it like that. But good call out. When I wrote that, I actually meant to hint that sometimes we are projecting our own hurt that was caused in the past or earliest memories that were caused in childhood either by parents/caregivers/childhood environment (could be by a teacher too etc) — that we were unaware of, but stored in our body, that got projected onto the person we are in conflict with today. So for example, someone might have unprocessed trauma that has never got addressed, say their dad left when they were young, and they interpret that as a betrayal. In the present, when that person (already an adult) is having a fight with someone n the mother didn’t step in to defend, that person interprets the mom’s inaction as also a betrayal. When in reality—mom is old and she just doesn’t like to fight in nature and she trusts that her adult kid can just handle it themselves without needing her to step in and protect her like a child (real story in my family!). So the “projecting an old story into the present” is referring to situations like this.
But I also like how you interpret it. What you interpret is called “kitchen sinking” where ppl tend to bring up stuff from the past to win an argument.
Ohhhhhhh. Thanks for clarifying. That makes sense and is very true! I guess my mind automatically went to bringing up the past because I’ve seen people do that A LOT. Never heard it being referred to as “kitchen sinking” before. New one for me.
Are you therapist by any chance? You definitely sound like one.
Not a therapist but a relationship coach on the way 🙌 Currently in process of getting certified.
One I’m currently doing is Christian coaching, but also waiting on a program that my favourite relationship coach Jillian Turecki is releasing soon hopefully. Also currently doing courses from well-known Therapists like Terry Real and Esther Perel. My other mentor also includes Kim Polinder look her up on IG @kp_counseling.
I realized I have a thing for relationships ever since a boy broke my heart when I was 15, and then 20. Hahaha. Been devouring lot of relationship books ever since! Lol
Interesting. Wishing you the best with becoming a coach. You’ve already shown your capabilities and I believe others will appreciate the advice you share!
Agree! Jesus help me. I can't do it on my own!
Btw I just edited the post. Added 2 parts of REFLECTION (1. look inward. 2. Zoom out) after PAUSE. I think these are stronger and more helpful. Please give me your feedback!
Just read it and I believe it works! I think it's great that you're ensuring a coverage of different angles for this topic.
One question that stood out from your revision is "Could I be projecting an old story onto a new situation?" This is one of the common tactics used when people argue. Bringing up the past in order to hurt the other person, showing they're still holding a grudge, and for other reasons. It's doesn't help and causes EVEN MORE friction.