Why your most "vulnerable" moments keep backfiring.
Always feel misunderstood when you open up? This might be why.
Feeling everything doesn't mean you have to say everything.
Yes, you’re allowed to feel it all. But when we offload our emotions onto someone else—we’re not communicating. We’re dysregulating—out loud.
Let’s keep it real.
We’ve all been there.
Saying everything.
Pouring our hearts out.
Speaking our truth.
Telling them we’re hurt… only to feel dismissed.
Ignored.
Unheard.
Invalidated.
Welcome to Triggered But Curious —where big feelings meet bigger truths. We unpack the messy stuff: love, family, identity, faith, and culture—one trigger at a time. For anyone craving love that’s real, rooted, and grown—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Fair warning: you will get triggered. But if you stay curious? You just might level up ❤️🔥
Here's the hard, uncomfortable truth:
As real as our feelings are—when we speak from blame, reactivity, or emotional chaos, our delivery can make it nearly impossible for the other person to actually hear us. And until we understand that, we will keep blaming people for “not listening”—when the truth is, we’re the ones being reckless and unskillful with our expression… and expecting others to just absorb it.
What if the real growth isn’t in being heard…
but in learning to hold what’s ours before handing it over?
This isn’t a call out. It’s a call in—to pause, get real honest with ourselves, and lead with grounded vulnerability, not volatility.
Let’s do something different.
When emotions run high—pause.
Don’t react.
Don’t send the text.
Don’t explain yourself.
Don’t defend.
Just… pause.
Take a breath. Take a few...
Let the wave move through...
Let the wave move through your body without trying to fix it or figure it out.
You don’t need to have the last word.
You don’t need to be understood in this exact moment.
You don’t need to prove you’re good.
You think you do—but you don’t.
This doesn’t mean you can’t clarify when you’ve been misunderstood.
This doesn’t mean you have to stay silent if someone mistreats you.
You can still speak up.
But first—pay attention to this 👇
When the need to react feels urgent—
when your nervous system screams, “Say something! Fix it! Stand up for yourself! Make them see you’re good, right now!”—
when someone’s words shake you that hard...
It’s not just about what they said.
It’s about the parts of you that still don’t feel safe, steady, or secure inside.
The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth—you’re no longer communicating. You’re trying to survive.
And I get it. I’ve done it. I’ve said things I didn’t mean. I’ve over-explained. I’ve tried to be the “bigger person” while secretly hoping someone would finally get how deeply they hurt me. I’ve lashed out just to feel seen. I’ve clung to clarity like oxygen—just to calm the spiral. (Recovering fixer here 🙋🏻♀️😮💨)
But here’s what I keep learning about communication, over and over again:
That timing matters just as much as truth.
Even the most self-aware insight can land like a punch if the other person isn’t ready.That maturity isn’t just about saying the hard thing—
it’s knowing when to say it, how to say it, and why I’m saying it in the first place.But just as important—maybe even more—is this:
knowing what not to say.
Because let’s be honest—most of us are pretty good at knowing what to say.
It’s the holding back that’s harder.
The restraint. The discernment. The tone.
The maturity to stay quiet, to practice grace—especially when your ego is screaming to correct, condemn, or be right—and speaking would only serve our ego, not the relationship.
Sometimes, the pause is the real love language.
This isn’t about ignoring what hurt. It’s not about staying silent or “being nice” when someone crosses your boundaries.
It’s about learning to tell the difference between venting and vulnerability.
Between reaction and regulation.
Between truth… and timing.
It’s about knowing when your nervous system is hijacked—and choosing to pause instead of prove. Different Ps.
Because when you speak from panic, it rarely lands.
Survival-mode communication? 9 times out of 10, it leads to regret.
Loops. Escalation. Spirals.
Then comes the shame. The silence. The disconnect.
And the worst part?
It leaves you feeling even more unseen than before.
I know that feeling. I’ve lived that cycle.
And I don’t want that for you.
Not every emotion deserves airtime.
You can feel deeply—and still choose your words wisely.
“Never let your truth travel faster than love” —Erwin McManus.
So here’s the invitation:
Before your next comeback.
Before that next argument.
Before you do something impulsive that only escalates the tension.
Before you say something you’ll regret—and let pride keep you from owning it,
proving (once again) the version of you you’re trying to outgrow—
I want you to try something different:
1. Pause.
Don’t respond right away.
Wait.
Let the moment stretch a little longer than your impulse wants it to.
2. Reflect—Before You React
Pause long enough to ask powerful questions. Not to shut your feelings down—but to listen to what they’re really trying to tell you.
🔍 Part 1: Turn Inward
Get curious with yourself.
Sometimes, our triggers say more about our inner world than the other person’s behavior. They might’ve struck a nerve—not because you’re too sensitive or overreacting, but because something tender, something deeper, just got touched.
These questions help you check your foundation:
Why do I feel this urgency to defend myself right now?
What am I afraid they might believe about me?
What am I afraid might be true?
What am I trying to protect?
Do I trust myself enough to let this sit unaddressed—for now?
Do I actually believe what they said—or am I giving them more power than they deserve?
Because sometimes—the urge to react fast and furious is really a sign of shaky foundation. Your emotions aren’t the problem. They’re trying to show you something. An unrooted self-worth. An unhealed wound. A deeper truth that needs a closer look.
“When we personalize someone’s avoidance, inconsistency, or cruelty, we unknowingly reinforce our own trauma loops." — Jillian Turecki
🧠 Part 2: Zoom Out
Look at the situation with clarity.
When we’re dysregulated, our minds become battlefields—flooded with stories, assumptions, and worst-case scenarios.
These questions help ground you:
What am I focusing on right now? (And is it helping?)
Could I be projecting an old story onto a new situation?
Is it possible I’m not seeing this clearly right now?
What else might be true, besides my current interpretation?
Am I assuming intention—or do I actually know what they meant?
Could I just be in a bad mood, tired, or stressed—and this is tipping me over?
Because reflection isn’t about dismissing the trigger. It’s about reclaiming your power before you hand it over to the heat of the moment.
3. Regulate your nervous system.
When someone says something that your body registers as a threat, your system kicks into survival mode—fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
Resist the temptation to respond while in that state.
Instead, nourish your system. Rest. Breathe. Get outside. Move. Cry if you need to.
"How someone treats you is a reflection of their emotional capacity, their history, their self-awareness—not your worth." —Jillian Turecki.
Regulation is foundation before repair and conflict resolution is just not possible in a dysregulated state.
4. And when you’re ready—then RESPOND.
With honesty. With vulnerability. With kindness and mutual respect. It might not feel satisfying in the moment. But it builds something better than control: peace. Safety. True connection—with yourself, and maybe even with them.
Let’s recap—because real maturity isn’t what you say, it’s how you handle the moment before you say it.
Pause—Practice self-restraint instead of letting your impulse take the wheel.
Reflect—Get curious, not reactive. Ask: What’s really going on underneath this trigger?
Regulate—Soothe your nervous system before you speak. You can’t connect when your body’s still in survival mode.
Respond—Because how and when you say something matters just as much as what you say. Delivery and timing are everything.
Regulated, grounded, emotionally mature communication?
It takes practice. And patience.
Real growth doesn’t happen overnight—
but it does happen when you keep showing up different.
Let me know if this lands. ♥️
Writing this for myself—right after someone misinterpreted my comment and I felt the need to explain myself. 😅 I’m with you in this work.
If something stirred in you—don’t ignore it.
Got a question tugging at your heart? Send it my way.
If it’s on your heart, chances are it's in someone else's too.
Your question might become part of a future post 💌—always anonymous, unless you say otherwise.
"real maturity isn’t what you say, it’s how you handle the moment before you say it."
I like the way you said this. In the heat of the moment, it's so easy for us to react out of emotions. Feeling the need to defend ourselves (and to just give that annoying person a piece of our minds!). It's hard. But like you said, reacting like this can only make the situation worse. We can express our feelings without stooping to their level.
Another well-written piece you shared Cathy!
By the way, were you going for a poetic feel for this piece? There was one area that felt like poem. Don't know if that was what you were going for, but I liked it!