TBC Q&A: How Do I Stop Taking Things Personally and Protect My Peace?

Highly Sensitive, Emotionally Burnt Out

Hi Cathy, I wanted to share something I’ve been reflecting on. I believe I’m a highly sensitive person. I tend to feel things very deeply—whether it’s beauty, music, or the emotions of people around me. I’m extremely attuned to facial expressions, tone of voice, and subtle shifts in mood. Because of that, I often take things personally, even when I try not to. A small change in someone’s energy can send me into self-doubt or guilt, and it’s exhausting. I get emotionally and mentally overwhelmed pretty easily, and I often struggle to separate what I’m feeling from what others might be feeling. I’d really like help understanding my sensitivity better, learning how to set emotional boundaries, and not letting other people’s moods dictate my peace. Looking forward to talking more soon. Warmly, Chanti.

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Dear Chanti, first of all — I hear you. Being a highly sensitive person can be a superpower. You’re empathetic, intuitive, and attuned to others in a way that can make people feel truly seen. That’s a gift. It's part of your nature.

I also get how heavy it can be — Because if you’re constantly absorbing other people’s moods and energy like a sponge, you’re not just feeling your feelings — you’re carrying everyone else’s too. Sometimes it feels like you’re not even in charge of your own emotions anymore, right? Like they’re just at the mercy of whoever you’re with. And yes, that’s exhausting. And the moment you take it personally, that's what makes it even heavier.

So, how do you keep the superpower but ditch the suffering? Here’s where I’d start:

1. Watch what you identify with.
   I know — having a label like “HSP” can feel validating. It explains a lot, and sometimes that’s comforting. Labels can be useful — they help us make sense of ourselves, validate our experiences, and give language to what we’ve been feeling. But labels can also become cages if we wear them like a permanent name tag. Yes, I’m sensitive. Yes, I can read a room in seconds. But was I put on this earth to walk on eggshells and be everyone’s emotional sponge 24/7? Nope.
   
   Your sensitivity is part of you, not your entire personality. So every time you catch yourself thinking, “This is just who I am, I can’t help it,” stop and ask — is that actually true? Don’t let an "identity" keep you stuck in patterns you actually have the power to change.
   

2. Next, I want to share a few truths/direct quotes from my relationship mentor, Jillian Turecki — lessons that have helped me (and countless others) stop internalizing other people’s limitations, let go of unrealistic expectations, and finally feel the emotional freedom that comes from not taking things so personally. I hope they’ll help you too.

• “People's emotional immaturity isn't about you. The way someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth — it’s a reflection of their emotional capacity.” 👉 People are doing the best they can with the awareness and emotional resources they have, and this applies to partners, dates, parents, friends, and strangers. How someone treats us, including when they're unkind, is not a reflection of us. It is a reflection of them. When you see it that way, you gain the context to understand it and to not feel imprisoned by their behavior. I would recommend to read the full post here by Jillian: Their emotional immaturity is not about you.

• "Stay in your head, and your relationship is dead. Relationships suffer when we get stuck in our heads, not communicating, creating stories that have little basis in reality. When we feel insecure, doubtful, or uncertain of someone's feelings for us, we can easily (and neurotically) imagine what they're thinking and feeling—even though we actually have no idea what they're thinking and feeling. Our minds become battlefields, and we're the only ones who can stop the fight. The hard truth is that most relationship problems (including problems in the relationship you have with yourself) stem from negative thoughts and stories. When it comes to relationship with ourselves, the greatest battle we face is with our own critical minds, which try to convince us we're unworthy. When a couple can't stop fighting, they're not fighting with each other—they're in combat with the stories they have about each other" —Jillian Turecki, It Begins With You.
  I would recommend buying her book :) It’s a New York Times Bestseller.

• "People can only meet you where they are, not where you want them to be, not where you think they should be, but where they actually are mentally and emotionally. All of us, every single human being, is walking around with a certain level of awareness, a certain level of consciousness. So this is determined by our conditioning. It's determined by our past experiences, both good and bad. It's determined by our environment. But the fact remains that everyone you deal with is in their own level of mental, emotional, psychological development. So when you get so frustrated with wanting someone to treat you differently, or to be differently, or to show up differently, what you have to realize is that people are often doing the best that they can with the tools that they have, and it's not about you, just like it's not about me. Those tools may not be good enough, but that's what it is. That's literally what's going on. And so the more we try to make someone be someone who they're not, the more that we want someone to have a greater capacity for kindness, a greater capacity for emotional intimacy, a greater capacity for emotional availability, a greater capacity just for being a better listener — Whenever we want someone just to have more capacity, the more we are going to suffer, because what we have to do is just accept where they are. Now that doesn't mean that we accept them in our lives, but it means that we finally let go of them having to be a certain way or their potential, and more importantly, we let go of internalizing their limitations and making it so personal and making it about our worth, because it's not personal. And here's what's really important to understand. This isn't just about other people. You can only do what you can with where you are emotionally and where you are mentally. I can only do what I can with where I am emotionally and mentally."
  I would recommend listening to the full podcast episode by Jillian here.

Lastly, I'm gonna say this: Stop giving every thought and feeling the VIP pass. We all have thoughts that feel true. But here’s the hard truth — not all thoughts are trustworthy. A lot of them are old scripts we’ve been rehearsing for years, fears, wounds, or even spiritual attacks (A lot of times when we're thinking, we're actually listening. Not all thoughts are our thoughts. We can be praying, worshipping, journalling, meditating and Bam! — a lustful thought, a flash of anger, or a snap judgment shows up out of nowhere. Where do you think they're coming from?)

Tip: treat your thoughts like a mailbox — junk mail will show up whether you like it or not. Do you get annoyed? Sure. But it won’t stop coming; it’s their job to send it. They want you to buy what they’re selling. But you don’t have to open it. You can ignore, unsubscribe, delete.

Here’s another analogy. Check your thoughts and feelings like TSA checks airport security. Scan. Everything. Why do you think they also check babies and old people? Because bad things can be hidden in harmless-looking places. You can’t just wave everything through and assume it’s safe.

Same thing with your mind — a lot of the time we assume we’re right and others are wrong, that we already know and they don’t, so we stop listening. Sure, sometimes we are right. But not every time though. If you let every thought stroll in without checking it, you’re going to end up with emotional contraband you never asked for. And then you’ll wonder why you’re exhausted and can’t find peace.

Final word: Start distrusting your thoughts and feelings. At least question them from time to time or bring them into alignment with unshakeable, foundational truth you can rely on.

I hope this helps! =)

💌 Ask Me a Question — Grounded, truth-driven advice on love, family, faith, identity, culture, and the quiet battles we fight within ourselves, with a side of free coaching while I wrap up my certification. For those caught between East, West, and big feelings with no map — think of it as sitting down with a friend or big sister who’ll tell you the truth, even if it stings a little, with enough love to make it go down easy. If you’re wrestling with something you can’t untangle, send it in — If it’s on your heart, chances are it's in someone else's too.